Feeling Ballsy (Vegan Cookie Dough Balls)

First off, let’s all just take a minute to laugh at the word balls, because, hey, we’re all 13 year old boys. This recipe is stupid easy, so I figured it needed a stupid title. OKAY WE’VE HAD OUR GIGGLES NOW, LET’S CARRY ON.

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I made my first iteration of this recipe about four years ago. Since then, it’s been one of my constant favorites when I want to eat something that tastes indulgent, but am not in the mood to polish off a container of coconut milk ice cream or full batch of cookies by myself (which I also do sometimes, it ain’t no thaaaaang). I recently made these for my friend Sophie and admitted that I didn’t want to post them here because they were TOO damn simple. Sophie made the point that most people want simple recipes. Touché, girl.

These have been floating around the internets for the last few years, so here is my take on one of the easiest snacks-dash-desserts you can make (they double as one of the easiest-to-convince-yourself-they’re-healthy-desserts, too). I should say that I do not follow a raw vegan diet, nor will I ever, but depending on what kind of nuts and which add-ins you use, these just so happen to be raw. SO THERE’S THAT. *pats self on the back, pretending I don’t eat pizza like 15 times a week*

Anyway, like I always say, it’s always the right time to pop a ball in your mouth.

(Sorry, mom)

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Glorious Balls (Vegan Cookie Dough)

  • 3/4 cup medjool dates (pits removed, v important), this is usually around 12
  • 1/2 cup walnuts (I also really like substituting almonds!)
  • 1/2 cup oats
  • 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • optional add-ins (start with 1 teaspoon and add to taste):
    • dark chocolate chips
    • coconut flakes
    • sesame seeds
    • cocoa powder
    • a teaspoon or two of tahini
    • hemp seeds
    • dried cranberries
    • squeeze of lime or lemon juice
    • cinnamon
    • dried blueberries

Simply throw the nuts in a food processor and blend to a fine meal. Add the oats and process for a few seconds until those are blended in, too. Add the medjool dates one at a time and process for a minute or two until it starts to gather into a big ball. Add your optional add-in (or combine multiple!), then blend for a second or two to just barely incorporate. Remove the mixture from the food processor and roll into balls. The “dough” should be pliable and easy to work with, like Play-Doh. If it’s not, try adding it back to the food processor and add another 1-2 dates.

I like to store my Glorious Balls in the freezer and pop them out one at a time as I feel like it. Sometimes I eat the whole batch in one sitting. Life it short, eat balls.

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